In the last post I gave a brief exegesis of the history and significance of the Argentine public transit system’s heart and soul, the colectivo. But who cares about that? Maybe you just want to ride the bus. There are three notable peculiarities to riding colectivos in Buenos Aires. The first is good, the second is bad, and I wish I could say that the third is ugly, but really at the very worst it’s just kind of silly.
Step One: The Guia-T. If you’d like to ride a colectivo, first you have to buy a Guia-T. You can find it at basically any newsstand and you should keep it on your person at all times. It is absolutely essential and looks like this:
A typically-battered Guia-T.
And when you open it:
Guia-T on the inside.
I’d like to tell you that it’s not as complicated as it looks, but it really is just about as complicated as it looks. In essence, the Guia-T is Google Transit without the internet. I could go into detail and explain the nuts and bolts of its workings like this guy did, but I know that all of my readers are very smart and could figure it out on their own. Once you have, you will know which bus to take and where to board it to go where you want to go. But wait just a minute! First you’ll have to deal with…
Step Two: Monedas. The ticket machines on colectivos only accept coins. There is a severe coin shortage in Buenos Aires. Everybody wants to get them and nobody wants to give them up. If you ride the bus, you will soon find these evil little monedas dictating your life. You will find yourself lying baldfacedly to shopkeepers who ask you if you have change. You will find yourself overjoyed if some dimwitted checker at the Coto unthinkingly gives you back five pesos in monedas. You will find yourself wandering helplessly from kiosk to kiosk downtown, trying to pseudo-casually buy a piece of candy or cigarette to break a bill, only to be turned down by heartless kiosk owners who don’t care that it’s 2 a.m. and you really should have gotten to that party like, a half-hour ago.
If you have successfully managed to hoard your monedas you can now pass on to…
Step 3: Hailing the bus. Perhaps as a holdover from the colectivo’s heritage as taxi-like transport, in Buenos Aires you must hail your bus. Conveniently, buses of different lineas have different color schemes, making them easy to spot from a distance.
Linea 39 is red and ochre, Linea 41 is yellow.
When you see the bus you want approaching your stop, put your arm into the air at an upward angle, with either a flat palm or a finger or two pointing out. (If, for some reason, you want to hail a taxi, use the same gesture with your arm at a downward angle. This distinction is strictly observed.) You’ll feel a little silly doing this at first, but if you don’t, you risk having the bus pass you by. Don’t let all your hard work go to waste. And maybe before long you will start feeling a little twinge of satisfaction at the illusory power of making the great colectivo stop at your feet.
Question of the day: what is the “T” in “Guia-T?”
I like your example of Bondis!
The “t” stands for “te”, as in “guiate”, which would be something like “guide yourself” (even though you probably wouldn’t say that in english).